you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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