some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
