If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
