How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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