while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
