Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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