Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
