It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
