it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
