i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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