It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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