chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
