Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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