Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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