What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They have beer where we have blood.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
