He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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