Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
