i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
