so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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