thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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