My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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