i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drake has all the answers
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
