By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
