You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
