i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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