if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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