Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
