she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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