she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
