clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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