Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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