In the future we'll all be gay
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
