I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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