I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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