i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't turn off my feet"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
