Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
