In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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