You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
