Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
