Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
