both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
