okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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