I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize