i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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