She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
