Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
