yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
