..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
