I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
