Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
