shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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