I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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