her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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