i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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