OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
