I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dear god my vagina.
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