distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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