I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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