This girl is more easily done than said...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
someone owes me an orgasm
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
