you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
