Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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