I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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