allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was born a porn star she said
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
