i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
