If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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