before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
