His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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