youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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