guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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